Naomi Bulger: messages in bottles

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Disclaimer: this post started off as a private email to my good friend Deborah of Bright and Precious. Now I guess you could call it an open letter because, for my humiliation to be true, it must be shared. Right?

Background: I’m off to DPCON12 tomorrow, the Digital Parents Conference about which, now that I am taking notice, I see half the blogging world is talking. I’m lucky to be going, because I'm benefitting from a last minute change. The program looks incredible, there are several speakers and delegates I’ve admired from blogland, and I know I will learn a ton.

The actual email: So at first I was thinking “Yay, a conference. I get to sit with my friend Deb and meet nice people and learn heaps of stuff. Fun!”

But now I’ve made the mistake of looking online at what other people are saying, and their nerves are catching. Like what to wear, and being shy, and networking, and blog sponsorships, and blah blah blah. I've only been blogging for a year and I'm still learning how it all works. I know nothing about this community, I’m not a member of Digital Parents, I don’t blog about parenting and, for another three months, I’m not even a parent!

Plus, I’m the dodgy ring-in. Like, someone could ask “When did you book your ticket?” and I’d have to reply, “Oh, I didn’t really know this conference existed until my friend who was going told me someone else was giving away their ticket.” All these serious bloggers have spent months preparing, and saving, and seeking (and gaining) sponsors, and I just float in off someone else’s coat-tails. I feel like a cheapskate fraud.

I can't seem to stop trawling the Internet for what all these clever people are saying and planning and wearing. It's getting in the way of me doing actual writing work that earns me actual money (something I should be working even harder at today since I won't be able to earn any money tomorrow). I am like the dorky kid in class who can't tear their eyes away from the cool group, and gets told off by the teacher for inattention.

Then there’s my blog-anxiety. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been so incredibly busy that I’ve barely been updating my blog at all and, when I have, it’s been pretty basic. So tomorrow, if I meet anyone and they decide to look at my blog, they’ll see a freaking post on starlings. Starlings?? Deb, what was I thinking? These men and women blog about serious issues in their lives, and they do it with depth and humour and insight and vulnerability. I, on the other hand, bring you a video that most of the world saw last October, and a handbag with a picture of a bird on it.

_Result: I will be the DPCON12 delegate sitting by myself in a corner during cup-of-tea breaks, pretending to be engrossed in something extremely important on my iPhone, but actually just hanging my head in shame.

Have you ever felt this sense of inferiority and illegitimacy? How did you manage it? Have you ever been to a blogging conference? Any tips to help me survive?